This week has been an eventful one. A very long and deep psycho-therapy session earlier in the week, and on top of the hypno sessions I’ve had in recent months, has brought home the facts. For me, it isn’t the XY imbalance, which I’d believed for decades, to be my reason for being T. I now know the reason, am able to deal with it, and have done. Some T-friends have asked me why I need to know. That was my choice, which I decided to take. Anyway, from now, Lisa Karen Devonshire is no more. For the last 30+ months I’d been convinced that there was a certain road to take, and now I realise I didn’t need to go there.
Anyway, this weekend the clothes are coming off the hangers and are being boxed and cleared. Ditto, what’s in the drawers. The make-up is being boxed up, along with the hair, and is going to someone close for safe keeping.
It’ll be no Sparkle for me this weekend, and the start of a new life chapter. Some friends know this already, and as I’ve said to them, we’ll always keep in touch as friends.
Thanks to all for following this blog.
So, it’s goodbye from her…
Friday, 10 July 2009
Friday, 3 July 2009
You are feeling sleepy....
Well after my last hypno-regression session a few weeks ago, I've just found time to book another session next week. It'll be a bit of a marathon, but I'm ready for it.
I have a different perspective on my t-issues these days. I'm certainly more comfortable, and controlling, with the situation now than I was 3-4 months ago, before I'd had any hypno.
Someone asked me a few weeks ago, why I wanted to know the reasons for being as I am. Fair point. I now know, or rather believe, that it's because of a 'conditioning at childhood', rather than me just being born this way. The issue is, 'Is it curable, or do I want it to be?' Certainly, those that know me in the north west may not have seen me out as much in recent months, and that is honestly through choice. I didn't need or want to be Lisa. Another thing going through my mind, is whether it is possible to have another 'purge' in middle age? As that seems to be an age when a lot of my t-pals seem to be most active. I have to admit that on a few occasions in the last few months, when I've seen the dresses in the wardrobe, I've felt that they were just in the way, and was close to putting them all away in boxes.
Another issue is that this time next week, I'll be at Sparkle. I just can't get the enthusiasm for it. I remember the buzz I got from going to the last 2, but this time: zilch.
Can a new up / down / up down /up relationship really be the reason for this?
Maybe next week's hypno will throw some light on things!
I have a different perspective on my t-issues these days. I'm certainly more comfortable, and controlling, with the situation now than I was 3-4 months ago, before I'd had any hypno.
Someone asked me a few weeks ago, why I wanted to know the reasons for being as I am. Fair point. I now know, or rather believe, that it's because of a 'conditioning at childhood', rather than me just being born this way. The issue is, 'Is it curable, or do I want it to be?' Certainly, those that know me in the north west may not have seen me out as much in recent months, and that is honestly through choice. I didn't need or want to be Lisa. Another thing going through my mind, is whether it is possible to have another 'purge' in middle age? As that seems to be an age when a lot of my t-pals seem to be most active. I have to admit that on a few occasions in the last few months, when I've seen the dresses in the wardrobe, I've felt that they were just in the way, and was close to putting them all away in boxes.
Another issue is that this time next week, I'll be at Sparkle. I just can't get the enthusiasm for it. I remember the buzz I got from going to the last 2, but this time: zilch.
Can a new up / down / up down /up relationship really be the reason for this?
Maybe next week's hypno will throw some light on things!
Thursday, 2 July 2009
A day beside the seaside
Last weekend was the Unique Summer Weekend at the Edelweiss Hotel in Colwyn Bay. Teela from Transpose has asked Natalie and myself to go over for the day, and man (?) the stall that they were setting up for the delegates. I was really hoping for a hot and sunny day, to wear my new long white summer skirt; however it wasn’t to be, so I settled on a brown patterned vest and beige pleated trousers. The weather was dry, but generally cloudy.
We met at the shop at 10, loaded up the car with bits to sell and then got to the hotel about an hour later. We were met by the chairperson from Unique, and shown where to set up the stall in the dining room. We were to be the only stall in there. Whilst they were still preparing the room for us, we took tea in the sitting room, where we met some of the other residents who were still recovering from the events there the previous evening. I can’t go into too much detail here; I was surprised to find a baseball bat half-shoved under one of the settee’s though.
I remember having met some of the girls at the Christmas buffet I went to last year, some of whom were a pleasure to catch up with again. Later on, Anna and Catherine from the MCC choir turned up, so it was good to see some more familiar friends.
Overall, the day was relatively quiet. Teela probably sold more wigs than anything else, although there was a good range of items on sale. I even managed to get a complimentary manicure and polish from Tilly! She had put together a snack for us so that did us for lunch, where I was also sold the concept of getting an Easi-Yo from QVC.
We were going to stay for the dinner, but our circumstances changed during the day, so we packed up and got away about 6-ish. After unpacking back at the shop, I finally got home about 8 pm. So there I was, a Saturday night ahead, and ready to party. Then the phone rang: a special friend asked me what I was doing later, so out came the ROC cleansing wipes, nail varnish remover, and it was quickly back to bob mode for a further wonderful 36 hours!
We met at the shop at 10, loaded up the car with bits to sell and then got to the hotel about an hour later. We were met by the chairperson from Unique, and shown where to set up the stall in the dining room. We were to be the only stall in there. Whilst they were still preparing the room for us, we took tea in the sitting room, where we met some of the other residents who were still recovering from the events there the previous evening. I can’t go into too much detail here; I was surprised to find a baseball bat half-shoved under one of the settee’s though.
I remember having met some of the girls at the Christmas buffet I went to last year, some of whom were a pleasure to catch up with again. Later on, Anna and Catherine from the MCC choir turned up, so it was good to see some more familiar friends.
Overall, the day was relatively quiet. Teela probably sold more wigs than anything else, although there was a good range of items on sale. I even managed to get a complimentary manicure and polish from Tilly! She had put together a snack for us so that did us for lunch, where I was also sold the concept of getting an Easi-Yo from QVC.
We were going to stay for the dinner, but our circumstances changed during the day, so we packed up and got away about 6-ish. After unpacking back at the shop, I finally got home about 8 pm. So there I was, a Saturday night ahead, and ready to party. Then the phone rang: a special friend asked me what I was doing later, so out came the ROC cleansing wipes, nail varnish remover, and it was quickly back to bob mode for a further wonderful 36 hours!
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