Well after my last hypno-regression session a few weeks ago, I've just found time to book another session next week. It'll be a bit of a marathon, but I'm ready for it.
I have a different perspective on my t-issues these days. I'm certainly more comfortable, and controlling, with the situation now than I was 3-4 months ago, before I'd had any hypno.
Someone asked me a few weeks ago, why I wanted to know the reasons for being as I am. Fair point. I now know, or rather believe, that it's because of a 'conditioning at childhood', rather than me just being born this way. The issue is, 'Is it curable, or do I want it to be?' Certainly, those that know me in the north west may not have seen me out as much in recent months, and that is honestly through choice. I didn't need or want to be Lisa. Another thing going through my mind, is whether it is possible to have another 'purge' in middle age? As that seems to be an age when a lot of my t-pals seem to be most active. I have to admit that on a few occasions in the last few months, when I've seen the dresses in the wardrobe, I've felt that they were just in the way, and was close to putting them all away in boxes.
Another issue is that this time next week, I'll be at Sparkle. I just can't get the enthusiasm for it. I remember the buzz I got from going to the last 2, but this time: zilch.
Can a new up / down / up down /up relationship really be the reason for this?
Maybe next week's hypno will throw some light on things!
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3 comments:
The why's are something I and I bet every trans person wonders. Can't say I definitively know my answer or if seeking a cure was the right way.
Have a good time at Sparkle anyway.
:)
There are many reasons for being up & down with Lisa's life. All I can say, throughtout the year, certain priorities in your life take over and sometimes this means Lisa takes a back seat because she has got too! I know personally that happens alot especially in the last 18 mths. However, thinking about stopping/purging - nah no point as being a TV/TGirl is part of you and never goes away, so why bother as sooner or later Lisa comes out to play again.
As for Sparkle, I'm sure you will enjoy it when you get there as you will meet up with old & new friends. However, I know exactly the feeling you have beforehand, that is me too but I decided not to go regardless as it is not for me anymore. Again, enjoy & see you around sometime (even meet up??).
Kay, Thanks for your comments. We've had lots of debates in the past, as you'll remember! Be assured, you've been a super friend and advisor to me since those dark early Canal Street days. However, Lisa won't be back!
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